The Maiden Voyage - Part 1

Life In The 31st Century - The Misadventures of Derek Darke, Intergalactic Courier

Hello and welcome to the first part of my new serialised fiction series. Life In The 31st Century. It’s the story of our unlikely hero Derek Darke a self employed intergalactic courier and his misadventures. It’s a light hearted space opera and safe for all ages.

Derek is an everyman. He could be one of a billion different people struggling to make ends meet.

The difference here is that I set the story a thousand years in the future. But despite everything being different, nothing’s really changed.

All of my life I’ve been an avid Science Fiction fan, both the hard Asimov stuff but more the lighter side as well. During my formative years I was exposed to Star Trek (way before it was TOS - thanks Gene and more importantly thanks Dad for letting me stay up to watch it), H2G2 (thanks Doug, may you always know where your towel is you hoopy frood dude) and later on the satire that was Red Dwarf (thanks Rob & Doug) and so many more (thanks all the creators of SciFi ever).

I also wanted to pay homage to who (in my humble opinion) was one of the greatest storytellers of modern times. Sir Terry Pratchett (GNU Terry Pratchett - if you know, you know). A storyteller who, whilst best known for his fantasy Discworld series, also penned a few damn good SciFi books as well. Sir Terry had a fantastic way of looking at stories from a different point of view, often elevating the everyman and discovering the hero inside them.

So as much as I wanted to write a SciFi book, I wanted to do something a little different from the usual epic space battles, jaw headed space marines, etc. Things that other writers have done to death (and probably better than me anyway). Something more in the mould of Red Dwarf, a story about people, not places.

Whilst writing this initial book I decided that the story could grow to be so much more and I have plans to develop “Life In The 31st Century” into a full series - which will be serialised here first exclusively on SubStack.

Anyway without any further ado, here’s the first part, enjoy…

Alone in the endless night, lost in the deep dark, staring into the galactic void a guy can go crazy.

But hey, we invented oppressive nannying AI's for a reason, right?

Even with all the technical advances the 31st century has to offer, some stuff never changes. Same sol, different shiz.

Apart from the sol I met her.

She was an absolute stunner who was just trying to get home. It was just a shame she was being chased halfway across the galaxy by a crackpot warlord and a gang of vicious bloodthirsty pirates.

And guess who she turned to for help.

Hi, I'm Derek

“Hi, I’m Derek, your local Unizon delivery specialist here with your package. Where would you like me to leave it?”

In this crazy mixed up universe, there’s a lot worse out there than having the metaphorical door slammed in your face at every delivery stop.

But thanks to all the people late night drunk shopping on the GalWeb, it’s a job, one with regular pay and no fewer benefits than the guy next door.

So okay, it’s not the life of wandering space adventurer that I always dreamed of, but hey - it’s a living and in this day and age that’s gotta count for something, right?. Besides the guy next door, his whole life just got sucked into a black hole.

So when things get tough, I always remember something my parents used to say to me as a small child

You’re a Derek and Dereks don’t run.

Ok, so we might amble, we might saunter, but we never run - especially when there’s a cargo hold full of plasteen crud that needs delivering to the far reaches of the galaxy.

But every job has its hiccups, and nothing is ever straightforward in space.

I remember there was this one time I got stunned on my own cargo deck and… well, you’ll just have to read on to find out what happened next.

I’m a Derek and this is my story, or at least the beginning of it.

Intruder Alert

Danger, proximity alert, danger, proximity alert, incoming object on collision course, danger, danger, danger

The metallic voice of Angel, the ship’s onboard AI system, ripped me from my reverie.

“Huh, what the frack.” oomph, I grunted in pain as my sudden wake up call, followed by a sudden attempt at movement, led to a sudden impact with the floor as I fell out of the captain’s chair and tangled myself in my headset cord. “Angel systems report stat.”

I like to emphasise my commands with words like stat. I like to think it adds a sense of urgency and gravitas as befits a starship captain, although secretly I’m pretty sure that Angel just ignores them.

Ripping the headset off, I sprinted across to the command console whilst the deck lights continued to flash a seizure inducing pattern of alternating red and blue lights.

“For fracks sake, Angel, cancel the alert. It’s just another delivery pod on a docking path.”

Say please

“What?”

Say please Derek, you know how your father always said “service with a smile and always thank the customer for a job well done.”

“But you’re not the customer, I’m the customer here, you’re the onboard AI that’s supposed to run the ship’s systems and stop me going mad in the deep dark.”

Object collision in naught point two-five units

“Angel!”

It would sorely disappoint your parents to see such rude behaviour.

“Okay, okay, Angel, will you please deactivate the proximity alert warning? Please?”

Alerts serve a vital purpose onboard starships. Please state the reason for the override

“Because, I have a splitting headache and the incoming object is just a Unizon cargo pod. Probably bringing the latest shipment of weird and wonderful must-have plasteen crud that the denizens of the outer rim have been drunk buying on the late night GalWeb.”

Proximity alert deactivated, and I’ve instructed the sustenance unit to dispense the recommended dose of soluble paradmol for your headache

I uttered a silent prayer of thanks as the ship once more returned to a dark haven. Gazing out of the main view panel, I stood silent to take in the breathtaking beauty of the eternal night.

Derek, the linguistic circuits continue to report a point six-eight percent increase in sarcasm in your recent responses. I would like to remind you we are all here to do a job and feel valued in the execution of said role. Do I make myself clear?

Great, a nanny program with a HR complex. Sometimes I would lose time during a sleep cycle over the way Angel used the word execution. Most of the time I tried not to think about it and would instead rack up a few more cycles playing vid-game sims.

The bitter solution of paradmol made me gag as I forced it down. Comforted only by my mom’s voice echoing across the rotations. “Come on Derek, don’t run away, you need to be brave and take your medicine”. Although secretly, I knew she always slipped in a few artificial sweeteners to make the drink more palatable.

“I’m sorry Angel, it’s hard to keep smiling when it’s the same old routine cycle after cycle and each pod contains the same useless crud. I mean, it’s hardly a life of action and adventure. Is it too much to ask for something interesting to relieve the endless boredom?”

Automated docking procedure initiated, stand by to receive contents

“Welcome to the sad, pathetic life of Derek Darke, owner and sole proprietor of Darke Intergalactic Couriers,” I muttered to myself.

Docking complete

Sighing, I made my way to the aft cargo bay to see what delights waited for me this time.

The status panel showed green across the board, showing that the pod was locked in place and I could enter the bay and begin unloading.

Scheduling automatic return to Quariz station in seven point two four cycles. Please ensure cargo transfer is complete. We don’t need a repeat of last time

“You promised you wouldn’t mention that.”

If you had authorised the maintenance of the automatic delivery unit instead of spending all your time playing the latest instalment of the “Heroes of the Galaxy” vid-game sim, then this would not be an issue Derek

“Yeah, well, I gotta have something to do in the endless hours between drop offs. Besides, it’s normally more than enough time to complete the manual transfer. Anyway, it wasn’t my fault, there were too many packages. And besides, the pods are rated for livestock transfer, so I was perfectly safe. They even have aGrav units these days. In fact, the peace and quiet made a pleasant change.”

The delay and penalty fines wiped out all of the profit from the last five journeys. You know Mr Pizola will revoke your delivery licence if it happens again and then where will we be? There’s not exactly a queue of people waiting to offer assistance

I could feel my blood beginning to boil at the mention of that man’s name and I’m sure Angel knew the effect her words would have, “For one, Louie Pizola is not the boss of me. Darke Intergalactic Couriers is an independent outfit. Mr Pizola is nothing more than a B-Grade Unizon delivery liaison specialist.”

Unizon is currently our sole client and there are plenty of ship overheads to cover

“Yeah, well, Unizon might be our only client… at the moment. There are always other opportunities.”

Do I need to remind you that Unizon control all the shipping and courier routes in this sector? That makes Louie Pizola the one person you have to keep onside

“Louie Pizola can kiss my exhaust.”

Derek

“What? You know he’s always picking on me. We get the worst delivery runs in the fleet. All I do is trawl back and forth from Travenion Prime to Quariz and he’s always cutting our time windows down so we get smaller and smaller bonuses.”

Well, maybe if you stopped making comments about his height

“He’s a petty little man with a chip on his shoulder the size of a yargnut field. He hides behind his clip-pad, which isn’t that hard as it’s taller than him anyway.”

Derek, that’s enough. There is no need to insult the man just because he is vertically challenged. Besides, you are wasting time and the cargo pod will no longer unload itself

“Well, you best stay quiet and let me get started then.”

According to the bulkhead display I now had exactly six point five cycles to complete the unloading of all cargo before the pod was auto ejected for its return journey to the local Unizon orbital hub. It’d be close, but I should be fine, besides it added a bit of excitement to an otherwise dull and uninteresting existence.

I cycled the hatch and hurried through the door.

Entering the cargo bay, I knew instantly that something was wrong. The realisation hit me momentarily before Angel raised the alarm. A black-robed figure stood in the middle of the cargo bay next to a large oblong crate. As I shouted in alarm, it spun round and shot me dead in the chest with a stun pistol.

It may have been a low voltage round, but it still packed enough of a punch to knock me back against the bulkhead, and as I slid down into unconsciousness, I heard Angel’s metallic voice squeak out.

Intruder alert, intruder alert

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Thanks for reading, part 2 will be out next Friday. I’ve also setup an index page where you’ll be able to find each post as they go live - Life In The 31st Century Index Page

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Update

Click here for Part 2 → alternatively if you’d rather support me directly and get access to the entire story on your e-reader of choice then the published book is available at https://books2read.com/themaidenvoyage